I try not to whine on my blog but Jonah has been testing my patience to the max lately and I need some advice. It's amazing how quickly kids change. Things that worked like a charm for weeks are no longer working! He was responding so well for awhile when I would give him choices. For example, when walking outside I would ask him, "do you want me to carry you or do you want to hold Mommy's hand?" He would always choose to hold my hand and it was wonderful! We could walk places and I didn't have to hold him. But lately when I ask him the same thing and he says, "hold hands," and then tries to run away two seconds later. I understand that he is two and this may be normal behavior but it still stresses me out! Today when leaving the library, I had one arm full of books and one hand grasping Jonah's hand and we needed to cross the street to get to the car. Jonah of course wriggles free of my grasp and dashes off down the sidewalk. I hurry after him and scoop him up and of course he starts screaming for me to "hold hands." We make it across the street and he is climbing up my body until his head is way higher than mine and I'm terrified he's going to fall. But we are almost to the car so I carry on. And of course there are people around but I pretend I don't see them. I drop my books near the car and then set Jonah down firmly and hold him tight (honestly probably too tight in my anger) and start lecturing him about safety and why he needs to listen to Mommy and he bites my arm. I was so not happy. But I can see why he was unhappy too. I know that when I have a big reaction, he gets more riled up but it's SO hard not to react in anger! How do you Mom's keep your cool when your toddler just won't listen?! I won't even tell you about our other excursions to Target and the dollar store.
He is also very much into the word "no" right now. When it's time to brush teeth, he just won't open his mouth. And I find myself threatening him with time-outs, or withholding his beloved blankie and binkie, but I know that this is not good parenting. What has worked for you? How do you reach a child that says no without threats and anger? Timeouts haven't really been working either. He doesn't put up a fight about going to his "time-out corner" but he will not stay in the corner. If I remind him to stand in the corner he just yells "NO!" Hopefully today was just an extra bad day and that I will be blessed tomorrow with an increase of love and patience. But man, the thought of two kids today was a bit overwhelming!
12 comments:
I've heard you either get terrible twos or threes. Emmy held off til she was three, but it still wasn't any fun! My only thought is about the teeth brushing. I tell Emmy if she doesn't brush her teeth she can't have any treats the next day. It works well for her, but she's older, so I can't guarantee Jonah will even care about "tomorrow" since it is so far away. :)
Also, don't worry about what others think. I'm sure they'd think worse of you if you let him run in the street without holding him. Just keep in mind that "this too shall pass" and you'll have your sweet boy back (hopefully by the time the baby comes!) :)
PS I have no recommendations about the patience thing because I am definitely struggling with it as well. I'll be checking back for others' comments just in case someone has the magic answer. :)
You are NOT alone! Yesterday I was in tears or close to tears all day...I had a rough day too. Parenting can be rough and overwhelming at times.
Maybe try a kid's electric toothbrush - my kids think those are so cool and they love brushing their teeth with them.
I don't really have any suggestions, I just wanted to tell you I have those same days. Thanks for writing this post - it helped ME to remember that I'm not alone in these sometimes crazy parenting days. Love you lots!
Some random thoughts, maybe one will be helpful:
1) the same thing does not work in every situation, so you have to have a lot of tricks in your "bag"
2) utilize the stroller more. Annabelle's choices are walking or stroller, and she knows I'll strap her in then she can't escape so it's pretty effective.
3) time out doesn't work too well here, but locking her in her room is great or holding her down (she hates the feeling of restraint). We almost never have to follow through.
4) save the most severe consequences for the safety issues and anything that gets you worked up SUPER fast (usually those are the same things) so that those can be eliminated the quickest
5) when you just plain screw up, tell him you were bad and you're sorry and give him lots of hugs/kisses... they are very forgiving.
Oh, and for teeth brushing, we told Annabelle that if she didin't let us do it we would have to FORCE it in and that it would hurt, and then we were extra rough when she fought us, so she learned quickly to work with us. And we stole Becca's lingo that I saw on her blog once: we call them "sugar bugs" that we have to get off her teeth.
I read an article by Richard and Linda Eyre that really put things into perspective. I'll send the link to you, but basically it said to think that a king and queen have asked you to raise their child. This is actually true when you consider our Heavenly parents. You are entitled to personal revelation for your calling as a parent, and it is amazing how the answers will come in the very moment you need them if you are praying for them. I wish I had followed this advice more often when my children were young. I know that when I did, things worked better because the spirit was there to guide me.
You're definitely not the only one! I think I go check out another parenting book every few months to see if I can find any new ideas for whatever stage we're at. Some I have liked are "How to behave so your preschooler will too" and "Parenting with love and logic" Being patient all the time is so hard though. Just keep on keepin' on!
I don't have the answer to the rebellious daughter, Jonah sounds like he's doing exactly the sane kinds of things as cassidy. We used to have success with the sane choices, not so much lately. With teeth brushing we let cassidy brush her own teeth first and then its our turn to brush her teeth. Doesn't always go well but enough of the time it does. I feel ya about the anger and frustration. I had a moment today where cassidy had hurt molly for the zillionth time and all I wanted to do was yell and make her feel what she was doing to molly. But I took a moment to remember how I've felt when I lashed out. It is so hard to not react negatively.
The only thought that really comes to mind is thankfully heavenly father doesn't act like this when i don't do what he's asked me to do a zillion times. I can't imagine his frustration level.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Your ideas, perspectives, and support help so much. I admire and love all of you. Today actually went a whole lot better than yesterday which I see as a tender mercy from above. At nap time Jonah didn't just give me my usual kiss on the cheek. He kissed my ears, my nose, my head, my cheeks, and my lips. Maybe he was just stalling but I felt his love for me. I also got to see my stake's musical, "Savior of the World" tonight which also helped put things into perspective for me. I truly felt the Lord's love for me. I can't wait for Easter. Thanks again for your encouragement and support.
In short, I can totally relate as well. I have no good answer either, but I know some of the things work (well, they work one day and not the next, but then they work the day after that!) that have already been suggested.
1. We did the electric toothbrush thing and the kids LOVE it.
2. We do the lock her in her room thing because time outs stopped working.
3. My daughter was the terrible 2's at about 17 months, she got worse during her 3's, and I'm still hoping to find progress now that she's in her 4's. I know it's not much consolation, but like it was already said, "this too shall pass".
4. If you're having a REALLY frustrated moment, I've stepped outside for a few minutes. I know the kids will be okay, but there are times when you NEED A BREAK!
5. Just remember, whatever you're doing is the best you can be doing. We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. Neither of which make you a bad parent. Just do the best you can!
So I'm a little late reading your blog but the best thing for me is to remember that these boys of mine are actually Heavenly Father's sons. He knows them even better than I do and if i really listen to the spirit it works out so much better because the revelation I receive is for each individual child. Remember that you are Jonah's mom for reason. You are the very best mom for him. We all lose our patience but I think that when I apologize after I lose my temper that I let my kids know I love them but that I'm not perfect and I hopefully I set a good example of repentance:)
I like what Stacy said about the stroller too. That works well for us because you have the option of buckling them in when they don't stay with you.
We do time outs for Henry in his crib so that he has to stay there. They seem to work for him. Timeouts don't work well for Spencer because he is too stubborn.
A couple of thoughts on the teeth brushing thing. With Dallin I sang a song that made it fun to have his teeth brushed. With Spencer I had him open his mouth like a hippo or an alligator (he loves animals so this worked great for him.) With Henry I let him brush my teeth while I brush his teeth. There is a risk of gagging with this one so be careful:)
Hopefully this is helpful, You are wonderful mother and I'm sure you do well with 2 children.
We can all sympathize...we have all been there (over and over and over and over and over again)!! I have read a few books I found helpful, "Love and Logic" as someone above suggested, and "Have a New Kid by Friday" which has some of the same theories. It hasn't worked in every situation for my stubborn 6 year old, but overall we seem to be getting somewhere, now! (most of the time)!!
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